Nate
I first photographed Nate on June 14, 2009 as the official beginning of this project.
Since then, I’ve photographed him three more times, twice for the tattoo project. He’s been accommodating and accessible, comfortable enough to be photographed, eager to help out with the project, not seeming to care that I don’t really know what I’m doing. He works outdoors so is physically fit and photogenic as hell. And all those tattoos… so many stories to tell.
In short — he’s been a perfect subject and a good friend. That’s all the more remarkable because while I photographed him, I asked him to go to unpleasant places, to think about the emotions he was feeling when he was tattooed, to remember why he decided to get the ink.
For the photographs, I chose to focus on the tattoo on his left forearm. He told me he had gotten it to cover the scars from self-inflicted mutilations from his youth, acts of loathing for a body that did not match his internal sense of self.
I found myself struggling with the best way to photographically represent such a powerful story. The tattoo was the portal to the narrative, but the photograph had to be about more than the inked skin — I wanted it to be about the man wearing the ink.
SHOOT #1
To match the rawness of his story, I chose to photograph Nate in my bare garage. I had no flash so relied on the ambient lighting, which called for some decisions. Wanting a small aperture to obtain a good depth of field and keep everything in focus meant longer shutter speeds that might result in a blurred image if Nate moved. I experimented with both, resulting in some images with the proper exposure but a blurry left forearm and others with better focus but under-exposed In both cases, Nate’s eyes were lost in the shadows of his brow — not ideal when wanting to convey the emotions of the subject.
And even though I had taken care to remove the crap in the background, I failed to unplug an orange electrical cord that now jumps out of the photos.
Then, I improvised and illuminated Nate with the headlights of my car, but he had to hunker down to be situated squarely in the beams. I like this photo quite a bit, but I am not sure that it portrays the tattoo as part of the focus of the image. (And again, there’s that annoying orange cord in the background.)
SHOOT #2
Nate agreed to be photographed a second time and so three months later, we were back in the garage. To improve the lighting, I used a little flash I found in an old camera bag and bounced the light off of a silver reflective disk, using my digital point-and-shoot camera to estimate the necessary exposure. (Still hadn’t gotten around to getting a light meter.) To get past the depth of field issue, I asked Nate to hold his forearm up next to his body rather than have it extended. That allowed the camera to come in closer and become more intimate with him.
And this time, I remembered to unplug that damn orange cord!
The resulting images seemed flat, lacking contrast and needing some serious color correction. I was able to make a presentable image using Photoshop (with before and after corrections on the left and right sides), and I got close to this correction in the darkroom. At the time, I was taking a portrait photography class where we all gave feedback on our images, and the problem identified with this photo was the ceiling light. I had let too much of it into the photo and it draws the eye away from the subject. I had not remembered to carefully check the borders of the photo when framing the subject. Unfortunately, that meant that the image still wasn’t right.
SHOOT #3
I had the poor guy out in the garage again a month later. By this time, it was October and it was getting cold, but Nate was a real trooper out there with his shirt off. And as they say, the third time was the charm. No orange cord, no shadows over his eyes, no big ceiling light mucking things up. I had finally captured Nate in the way I had originally intended. (You will notice that part of this image graces the header of this photoblog.)
NARRATIVE
We didn’t sit down for the interview until January of 2011, a full year-and-a-half after I first photographed him. During our conversation, Nate disclosed that our first photography session brought up some feelings of dysphoria that he hadn’t felt in some time. You will hear me respond that he never mentioned that to me, as though I was accusing him of not being forthcoming. In actuality, I felt guilty that the act of participating in the project might have been detrimental to him. Had he told me right away about the dysphoria, I likely would have canceled the shoot.
Part 1:
Part 2:
As I listen again to this interview, I am struck by how much Nate has given in this process of photography and narration. He did not hold back, and although I sound as though his story did not affect me, that was just a front. Some of his narrative was difficult to hear, but as he had the fortitude to put himself out there, I was damn sure not going to let him see me react under the weight of his story.
WRAP-UP
This first post is rather experimental. Like the photography class where we all discussed and critiqued the photos we had taken, I have created this photoblog to get input during the progression of the project. If you feel so inclined, please use the comments section to mention what works and what doesn’t and how you feel about this project. Your feedback will help me improve the work.
Thank you– Anderson
The first three shots of Shoot ONE are my favorites. In particular the second one; part of him in the darkness and the part of him with the tattoo in the light. Pretty much captures the kind of journey he has made.
The subject looks like a hell raiser. So the eerie fiery orange glow framing him is so apt! It’s the perfect backdrop and I would not change a thing.
The last two are cold, to me. And while I can see the tattoo better, the first shoot captures both his vulnerability and a certain tongue in cheek defiance that he has about him, that I find so attractive.
You are lucky, your subject is a precious piece of art! Let me see what magic you create with the rest of your subjects.
(Thank you Nate. Sorry we keep calling you ‘the subject’. I have no idea how I managed to be so verbose, because when I saw you my jaw dropped to the floor and I’m still searching for it!)
April 5, 2011 at 7:35 am
Thanks for the feedback J! To be honest, I like the first ones best too, but have received feedback that the shadows over Nate’s eyes are a problem. I guess different viewers will have their own way of seeing and connecting with the images. I’m interested to hear how others view them, and maybe Nate will even let us know what he thinks.
April 5, 2011 at 7:50 am
Art/ the arts is subjective. People like me who make a living out of it will tell you this! If I were in the same room as the photo and you, I’d have been able to express myself more clearly.
April 5, 2011 at 8:35 am
I value your opinion, J, no matter what form it is in. I don’t really consider myself to be an “artist” but rather a scientist who learned how to use a camera, so I am not familiar with the language of it. I think you expressed yourself very well, but I know what you mean about being able to have a live conversation about these sorts of things.
April 5, 2011 at 6:23 pm
Andy,my friend, thank you so much for allowing me to be such an integral part of this project&journey with you.
Personally my two favorite shots are: shot 3 out of the first set, and the very last shot.
I like the 3rs shot because although my eyes are hidden under the shadows still, I’m giving that sad sort of smile that I know so well. My mouth is in a partial smile, and you can focus on the artwork, however you can still tell that underneath…those eyes are in an emotional place that does not involve happiness.
And the last shot I really like( and think is my favorite) because not only is the main subject of photo(not me per se, but rather the left forearm tat) is in focus/frame, but also because you can see my eyes as well as the “to thine own self be true” tattoo clearly.
I’m sorry I don’t speak the language of the arts and am not the least bit technical in my reply, but I’m just the willing subject!
But seriously brother, thank you so much for allowing me to learn more about myself through this project and perhaps learned a little more about you as well. I value our friendship and am&will be always more than willing to help where I can.
You are an amazing photographer(believe it!),awesomely patient teacher, and amazing man!
April 5, 2011 at 9:20 am
Hey man, thank you. That takes a lot of intestinal fortitude to put yourself out there like that. Not many people could do that I think.
I’m glad to know which ones are you favorites. But for me, this is about you, at least that was my intent. The tattoo is just the portal to your story, at least for me. It’s all about you, brother, it’s all about you.
Anyway, thank you for your kind words my friend. (*blush*) I don’t know what to say…
April 5, 2011 at 6:42 pm
Andy, great work! I love the first shot and the fourth shot where Nate is kneeling. You can only worry about technique to a point, and then it’s the emotion that counts, which I think is strongest in those two pieces.
April 5, 2011 at 9:39 am
Thanks Jess! As always, I value your experienced input. (which I will talk about in an upcoming post…)
April 5, 2011 at 6:25 pm
I like shot 3 best. Great project. Hope you’re having fun with it.
April 5, 2011 at 8:31 pm
Thanks Josh. I appreciate that.
Out of curiosity, what is it about #3 that you like? Are you able to say?
April 5, 2011 at 9:25 pm
I think it’s the fact that he is in focus and the background is not. I also like the lighting on that one. Most of the others seem bright to me except #2 which is too dark.
April 5, 2011 at 9:39 pm
Thanks. Yeah, I like the lighting on that one too. The stove pipe in the background distracts me though (too bad the damn thing didn’t distract me when I took the photo!)
April 5, 2011 at 11:16 pm
Anderson,
Great project! Thanks go to you and Nate for this debut of Transmasculine Ink.
My favorites are #3 and #4. In 3#, Nate is the focus, this is his story. The bare garage wall, the stovepipe, and the lumber (?) leaning against the wall catch his personality. He works outside and works out, the background just fits. The fact that his eyes are shadowed makes this photo. I can see the eyes, I see Nate, I see the tattoos, but I am only allowed to see as much as he will allow. There is depth in the eyes, he is not yet allowing the viewer into his life, only a glimpse. Maybe a test, does the viewer want more or will the viewer just leave him be.
In #4, I am drawn to his eyes. The tattoo is there, his story is there, but first, Nate is the focus. The ink tells the story of the man instead of the man telling the story of the ink. He looks relaxed, not posing. Again, I like the background. Nothing manicured or set up, it just fits Nate. It looks to me as if he is in another place, deep in thought, reflecting on something in his life, or in a place in his past. The lighting is great. Even though his tattoos are shadowed, Nate is not and I find myself studying the tattoos and wondering what his story is.
Looking forward to future posts.
Mac
April 21, 2011 at 6:31 am
Wow, Mac, that’s an amazing critique. Do you have training in this sort of thing? Please come back and write some more. I’ll be making a new post soon.
Thanks!
April 21, 2011 at 5:02 pm
Anderson,
My apologies for the delay in responding, work is crazy right now. Thanks for the pat on the back, but no, I do not have any training. Hey, you and Nate did all the work, I get to reap the benefits.
I am drawn to these two photos because I do not see a fist and/or a gesture that sends me running, that says, in your face. Instead I see a man, with a story to tell. The photo with Nate kneeling is my favorite.
I have been looking at the photo where the right side of Nate is shaded a bit darker than the left side. Very interesting. The right side shows no posing and his facial expression is fitting. When I cover Nates’ left side, the photo has a power that draws my attention him and I want to hear his story. When I am looking at his right side, I see an in your face gesture. (My opinion!) If there was any way to change his expression to match the gesture, WOW! As far as that light goes, I think it is great. On Nates’ right side there is the mysterious man, in the shadows, he will not let us in. The left, here is the guy that wants to portray the tough guy image, this is who we see, who he wants us to see. This is the guy that walks down the street daring us to think he isn’t tough. Nate chooses whether we see the dark side of his life or not, depending on the light he chooses.
Mac
April 26, 2011 at 6:59 am
No worries about not responding right away. We’re not going anywhere.
I tried the left-right side visualization and you are right! I hadn’t even noticed that before. (I assume you mean image #2.)
April 27, 2011 at 7:31 am